i really dont know what to say, i dont know what to do. i feel lost. so much have happened. why do i have to screw up my last few months in st nicks? fuck. i dont know why i am getting myself into all these things. things which aren't important, things which doesnt concern me, but i chose to be involved in it. i hate my insensitiveness. doing things without thinking, without thinking the consequences of doing it. going overboard without realising it. i hate this character of mine. i hate this bad habit. i hate this habit of acting like this towards you. i dont know how it came by, but it just became a habit. maybe its my fault, my fault for playing too much, my fault for caring too much, my fault for being carried away so easily. i started everything. how much wish there wasn't such a person. how i wish i didnt open the door. otherwise, my life will not be in a disaster now. whenever i ignore, you start asking what's wrong. but when everything's alright, you start asking people why is she like that? so what do you want me to do? moving front or back doesnt make a difference. right now, i just want to clear my name, that's all. just get it out of your bloddy head. i dread coming to school now, i cant wait to start a whole new life, to be my normal self again. i am fucking tired, seriously, it KILLS me. i am even having problems with a close friend. i want to stop getting distracted and move on. i will move on and focus on my exams. i should just stop deluding myself. i dont want this to pull me down. no, it cannot.