i really dont know what to say, i dont know what to do. i feel lost. so much have happened. why do i have to screw up my last few months in st nicks? fuck. i dont know why i am getting myself into all these things. things which aren't important, things which doesnt concern me, but i chose to be involved in it. i hate my insensitiveness. doing things without thinking, without thinking the consequences of doing it. going overboard without realising it. i hate this character of mine. i hate this bad habit. i hate this habit of acting like this towards you. i dont know how it came by, but it just became a habit. maybe its my fault, my fault for playing too much, my fault for caring too much, my fault for being carried away so easily. i started everything. how much wish there wasn't such a person. how i wish i didnt open the door. otherwise, my life will not be in a disaster now. whenever i ignore, you start asking what's wrong. but when everything's alright, you start asking people why is she like that? so what do you want me to do? moving front or back doesnt make a difference. right now, i just want to clear my name, that's all. just get it out of your bloddy head. i dread coming to school now, i cant wait to start a whole new life, to be my normal self again. i am fucking tired, seriously, it KILLS me. i am even having problems with a close friend. i want to stop getting distracted and move on. i will move on and focus on my exams. i should just stop deluding myself. i dont want this to pull me down. no, it cannot.

how the heart confuses the mind

WE ARE FINALLY DONE WITH PRELIMS! LIKE yayy. lets see, its not long to olevels now. results are like out way too fast. I need a break. desperately. today went lunch at j8 with nat kel and meiling at mos. mhmm, kel eats her tako damn it fast la. I was just gna finish my first one and she finished everything already. wth. haha shes hungry. meiling, lucky I FORCED you to start eating the burger. later someone scold you (: I am so sweet! and the piece of fry I stuck into the burger to make it look a lil more tempting? ((((:

“its all about me, not somebody else
help me to see,
the truth when I look at myself,
if ima change, if ima break free
it cant be about them, its all about me.”
yes, I need to make a decision. and fast. my head needs to get sorted out.
logically, like people say, go for someone who loves you.
but in my theory, I’ll go for someone I love.

HELP me. my brains all bogged up. and its not like I don’t like number three, I just… AIYA not like anyone would understand.
OH I bumped into number two many times today. haha no I really bumped into her, not purposely! really!

“it’s a shame to awake to a world of pain
it’s the same everyday in a hell manmade.
what can be saved, who’s left to hold her?”

if someone could tell me wht to do now, it would be so much easier. number one, if you had said yes, I wouldn be so messed up now you know. no no its not your fault, I still love you all the same, like I always have. oh now I see, maybe thts why im so messed up.

Ever since the day you went away and left me lonely and cold
My life just hasn't been the same ohh baby, nooo
When I looked into your eyes the moment that I let you go
I just broke down (down)

Baby if I ever get the chance to be with you again I would sacrifice
Cuz the feeling that I feel within
No other man would ever make me feel so right
Its nice to smile when I get your phone call at night
But I'd rather have you here with me, right next to me
I miss the way you hold me tight

[Bridge]
I gotta let you know I feel so weak without your touch
I never thought that I could ever love a ____ so much
I gotta let you know I think that we are destiny
For you I'd cross the world, for you I'd do anything

[Chorus 2x]
Thats right baby I'm going crazy
I need to be your lady
I've been thinking lately
That you and me, yes we can make it
Just ride with me, roll with me I'm in love with you baby

Break it down now I'll tell you what I feel
From the moment that I met you its been so damn real
My heart seems to skip another beat
Every time we speak, I can't believe I feel so weak
Tell me that you really need me and you want me and you miss me
And you love me I'm your lady
I'll be around waiting for you I'll put it down be the woman for you

I'm falling so deep for you crazy over for you
I`m calling, calling out to you what am I going to do?
It's true, no fronting
Its you and no other i can no longer go on without you
I'll just break down (down)


i love you.

tomorrow is the 26 september 2006, which is also the end of prelims.
26 september 2005 was a special day.

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
All of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done


I wanna heal
I wanna feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I felt so long
Erase all the pain till its gone
I wanna heal
I wanna feel
Like Im close to something real
I want to find something Ive wanted all along

you'll be safe here

okay, lets see how life has been.
prelims are three quarters over. and my f*%^# mother hid the wires for the internet and i cant use it, and she switched the phone to fax mode so apparently no one can call through. sorry abby, and all who tried to call. waking up late when i know the rest of the world is schooling feels GREAT. HAHA! good luck nat for physics and all taking bio! :) feel jealous hurry! its just ten forty on a tuesday morning and i just finished watching cartoons!

oh i have tuition later. OH i have CHEM PRAC. shit.
and our birthday nat. we really gna invite so many eh?
up to you nat! love yer!

bye, i've a date with my books!
hot~music~books

can i turn to you when it all falls apart

its my sister's birthday tommos. ima get the thing she requested on monday. im such a nice sister! boy!
went book shoppong today. we spent like thirty bucks fishing for books. and the whole place was so fucking crowded. i hate crowded places.
went to raffles town club to study, did qiute a bit of chem and maths. i am oh so proud of myself. yeap!

hey tiong how have you been? I HAVEN TALKED TO YOU IN A LONG TIME! yes yes.
alright, im off to study.

PAUL GOT OUT!

its not easy, to be me.

hot~music~disco

We'll do it all everything on our own
We don't need anything or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know how to say how I feel
Those three words are said too much they're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time chasing cars around our heads

I need your grace to remind me, to find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am, all that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

my cherie amour

last night, i stayed up until like eleven thirty to do maths, am i productive or what. ey you never ever see me so hardworking OKAY!
mmmm ystd i went running then went to train up. i was angry you see. yeah anyhow, i was only doing maths you see, so okay fine i agree that i wasn all that PRODUCTIVE argh!@#$. i need to do history. too much math drives me nuts.

my cherie amour,
youre the only one that i adore,
youre the only girl my heart beats for,
how i wish that you were mine.

needta go now. at least i survived the day to post this
see yer all :)
pictures of random!

what a beautiful disaster

yes its been some time. monday was studying in school. i like stayed in class to do work until i met abby in the canteen and we talked crap for quite some time until i proceeded to studying with jingyu until germs came and me and meiling ent to teach her log which like duh she was able to do after a while. i am such a good teacher. :)
HAHA number two was in school on monday wearing red which she looks oh so fab in. oh yes, then i saw number one! :)))))))))))))
mhmm and rosalie gave me a slip of paper teaching me how to win tic tac toe! so sweet of her! mmmm, i finished almost all of maths! i am one productive freak! yayyness! :)

i had a dream,
of you dying
and i was so afraid that i would lose you,
i woke up crying.
oh, why am i feeling this way la fuckening hell.

mrs kuek's tuition was fun esp when we had cara there. we were like crazy people! haha stupid joke you have cara. funny thing! i bring joy and laughter! quotes mrs kuek " whoa, today i have five sessions, so tiring i tell you, hahahaha whoa luckily i have you now then i can laugh" yes SEE i wasn lying! yes it was a super productive day. but i went home, eat dinner, listen to music for a while, then plopped into bed. that was like eight. yes i was super tired.

yes i shall be productive today too! see yer all. :)))
i hope i would be alive enough to post the next entry!

i'm at my brother in law's place! will be staying over here for about 2 days. my nieces are so cute :D i love playing with them! but the younger one has an infection on her nose :i
sigh. I AM SO PISSED! on saturday afternoon, my mommy came into my room and saw me using my phone and for i don know whatever reason, she got annoyed and she TOOOK AWAY MY PHONE!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!! she claimed that what my prelims are coming and i should be concentrating more on my work instead. she thinks that the phone is distracting me :i hurrr, i was just typing a text, not like as if i am playing it or what right. whatever.
so now i am left with no phone. i'll only get it back during school times, otherwise, i would have to surrender it. haven touched my phone for two miserable days )): hopefully she will give it back to me like once a week or sth so that i can check my messages. and i pray that she WILL NOT SWITCH IT ON AND DO ANYTHING. URGHH.

i am tired of trying
i'm weary of this pretence
may i take off this mask now?
i give up.

let me introduce you

the characters of the show.
wiggy's blog turned french and i cant read anything except like 'halo halo' which i obviously presume its 'hello hello'. yes. today my dear sister bought some 'ha ha' crabs. its like dumb like @#$% ? yes i have weird people all around. talked to euge last night, and she called me a stewpig, (stupid) her brain works funny, and no euge, i DONT teach you bad. yeah, hope life would be nicer.
i dont wana hurt no body.
i dont wna see me die a lil more inside.

studying in the late morning was quite productive. im prouda myself man! :)
then i got lazy cos i got prouda myself. hee :)
anyhow got down to texting a bit, yeah, happy birthday gil.
i did what i said euge! :)
im such a nice person.
then jess. yepp :)
cut my fringe, shorter, so it doesn get in my vision of pretty people
haha no la. im not a flirt.

"of all the roads we had to take a winding"

oh i got my SA shirt on wed, i forgot to add !!! :))))

i loveyou! :)

hot~music~disco